Am I homesick yet?

I have been here for 3 months. I like it here, the place, the school, the new life, new ppl, everything...

I have largely been happy, not really missed home or family. I guess I have still not accepted it in my mind that I have come away for ever, my heart still escapes the fact, and pretends as if this is just a holiday away from home, and I can return any time I choose.

What happened today?

Home-made sweets arrived from the aunt in Texas, and a card from my parents, for my birthday. Just the opposite of usual. Mother used to make sweets for me, buy me a new dress, and even get me flowers... but never a card... card was something ppl far away sent....

Now my mom's sent me a card, and written it exactly the way I used to write cards for her, complete with the "open with a smile" and smiley on the flap. I saw it, and my mom's feeble attempt at drawing a smiley, and tears filled in my eyes. I could not do as instructed...

I held the card in my hands, and silent tears kept falling. have never felt so alone in life, as I did when I held that card in my hand...

I just can't picture my mom looking for a card in Archies. I can't, since I have always bought all cards for everyone at home.

I used to buy cards, give them to everyone on their birthdays, have them admire it for sometime, and then leave it on a table, which I quietly picked up and preserved.These small mementos on birthdays were my introduction to our austere South Indian household, where payasam was the only celebration for birthday. Now, my family is BUYING cards, and sending them to me. And they are doing it, because they feel I value cards a lot... but today I wish, I was with them, instead of recieving cards in the mailer....nothing can occupy the void created by absence of dear ones... not phone calls, not emails, not cards...

Life is great, but not so easy sometimes...

Physics of deja vu !

Lets begin from the beginning.

From Einstein's special relativity, we know that velocity of light is same in all inertial reference frames. An inertial frame is anything that moves at a constant speed, a car, a space ship in orbit etc. To find position, speed etc. of a system moving w.r.t. to another system, we use transformations, which are basically math equations. If a space ship moves at a definite velocity w.r.t. earth, a meter stick in the ship will look shorter than a meter when measured from earth. Time also changes, to keep the velocity of light constant. One second in the spaceship will appear to be greater than one second on earth, when measured from the earth. This concept is called time dilation.

Now, if a pin takes 1 sec to fall from your hand in a SPACE SHIP, it takes less than that on a video taken from earth. So, earthlings can predict where the pin will fall, before it does... Why? because time moves at different paces in different frames…

These different frames in metaphysics could be referred to as "dimensions". So, what has already happened on earth will happen 2 yrs later in another dimension. Closer to light velocity, the velocity of the frame, greater will be the difference in time. The same way some dimension can be 2 yrs earlier than us.

This concept can allow one to conclude that what will occur on earth tomorrow has already occurred in another dimension. It is also the basis of the fantasical time travel.

We are trapped in this dimension, so even though there is this possibility of knowing what will happen, we are no better off.

But this discovery, that in another dimension we have lived out our lives, and we can’t walk out to that dimension to change it, can lead to the conclusion, that everything about our life is "predetermined". So, all the conscious choice, "I make my own choices" goes poof, and in a scary way.

Whatever is happening, there is no way to change it, if you have to be at a certain place at a certain time, that’s where you will be, irrespective of whether you want it consciously..

I don’t want to believe that we are picked and placed, and that we have no free will... But the math points that way, and I have not been able to find faults with that logic yet, though I am trying hard, and that’s the point of writing this blog.

What does this imply?

You are not even thinking today where exactly you will celebrate your 63rd bday...But in some dimension, you might have already blown out 63 candles... and had a mast party...

At some instant, what happens to you, the dialogues you say, the setting of the room, reaction of people etc.; basically a short trivial scene, do they sometimes ring a bell? That you have played it in your mind before…That kind of a thing??

Doesn’t this give you a slight apprehension that things might be predetermined after all??

If not, then what does this cute little intuition mean to u??

Is it just random play of nature, or some inherent cerebral activity?

If it is some inherent mental process, what triggers it?

Because most of these scenes are totally trivial...you would never plan them or worry about them with your conscious mind.

Why should nature be so random in some aspects and so precise in others is what puzzles me, and makes me delve into whatever theories seem to explain something.

Keep wondering, and if you have any ideas, do let me know… would love to discuss it and clear my head.

DISCLAIMER: Kindly don’t scold me for obtuse thinking, I am not the founder of this theory, though it is an assimilation from various sources, including my cerebrum. I would be grateful for any lapses in the theory, which makes me revert to the “Free Will” system, that I would prefer to believe.

CREDITS: Anirudh Maitra, this blog post is mostly lifted from a conversation I had with him on this. He asked the questions, I developed my philo to answer them.

Postscript: I am not the only one thinking of physics of deja vu, ppl have written books on it.... sure gives my independent idea atleast an iota of credibility...

http://www.manyuniverses.com/WhatIsDejaVu.htm
http://dailymull.com/1229/The-Dead-Book-13-frag-2

Latest Goof-Up

Midterms underway, so time for only a quick story...

I was proctoring a Mid-Term exam yesterday, since the professor was out of town. Stood very seriously and stoically for 1 hr and 10 minutes, getting dreadfully bored.Just 10 more minutes to go.... I could have finished the day with dignity, but the Email-Obsessive Graduate Student inside me called to me, and I walked to the the computer in the room. Logged on, checked mail in RPI inbox, moved on to gmail. A friend had mailed, scolding me ( with nice expletives) for never calling her. I started typing the reply, but suddenly looked at my watch.... It was alomost time to finish. Then I heard smirks and giggles from the students... To my horror, I realised that the projector was on, and my mails were up there on the projecter screen for everyone to see...I panicked and switched off the monitor, but the mail was still on the screen.... I fumbled a little more, and finally found the button to switch off the Projector.

I was so embarassed...but I had to announce "Time up, Hand in your Sheets", and collect the sheets.

I hope most of them were busy writing their exam and din't even look up to the screen... This is optimism stretched toooo far, even by my standards....

Lol :)

Ah, the crispiness of life....

Life's Great!!!

I am loving my insanity!!!

:-)

Yo Health Services!

Now that I have settled down into my daily schedule of life of a grad student in a US school, some things have begun coming naturally to me.

I cook in huge quantities, when I cook. I happily eat old food, and conveniently forget how old it is. I wash utensils, I fish for quarters every week to put in the washing machine. Yes, I shop for groceries, and lug inhuman masses of groceries back home, in a hope that I won't have to go again for a long time. But I seem to be eating a lot, because I need to buy more veggies, milk and yogurt every week..

Oh yes, I check weather forecasts, before I leave home everyday!! Back in Delhi, we used to check the temperature of the day before, to reinforce our judgment of how hot or cold the day had been.... Life's sure changed a lot.

As a grad student, I take courses (not go to classes), take weekly quizzes (not give tests), do homework ( and hope some arbit form of plagiarism ( there are many kinds defined) may not plague it), grade homework and quizzes for undergrads (not check them), hold recitation sessions and so on... The week passes by so fast, and packs in so many to-dos, that by Friday evening, I feel victorious that I survived the week.

Friday evening is BIG here, party time... Everyone parties, except Indian Grad Students, who shop for groceries... :-)

Weekends are times for movies( watched online by live streaming), lots of sleeping, mass cooking for the week, potlucks, calling up family and friends in India; and yes, catching up on the week's studies, and homework.

The lectures here can be compared to Helicopter rides over Delhi for a geography lesson, and the quizzes would then ask for exact directions from Connaught Place to Paranthey Wali Gali in Chandni Chowk. So, lots of catching up to do over the weekends.

You can imagine that I would often goof up, what with so much at hand, and so little RAM. ( I refer to my extremely fickle memory here, that most of you have had trouble with at different times)

Now, let me come to the Subject the title promises, US health services.

I was in a tearing hurry last tuesday, not unlike the other days of the week, prone as I am to postponing essential activities till the last minute. I was putting on contact lens, when the one in the left eye just disappeared. I searched all over, as well as I could with one good eye, and one eye full of tears... groped stupidly all over the carpet and all.. 7 mins to go for the class, and I suddenly realised, that the contact lens has disappeared into my eye... I blinked hard, stared hard too, in hopes of coaxing it out, but to no avail.. I had no option but to run for the class, with my eyes...

I sat through the class, half shutting my left eye to get a clear, non-blurred view of the whiteboard. I shot an sms to my roomie, telling her the issue at hand... Poor girl, she got all worried and panicky... and advised me to rush to the Student Health Center, whose personnel gave us long and tedious presentations in our Student Orientation, as to how anxious they were to be of use to us. She was right ofcourse, but after hearing all the stories about medical processes in US, I was apprehensive of how seriously they would take this. If they referred me to a specialist in New York, and delivered me there in an ambulance, I would be too embarassed to return to school afterwards.

I nervously scanned all the possibilities, and fervently prayed to the lens to emerge out of its hiding place and save me a whole lot of trouble. The lens was obviously having fun at my expense, and did not budge from its place under my eyelid.

I finally decided on the Health Center. But I had a class to attend directly afterwards. I shot a mail to the professor, saying I was feeling unwell, and if my presence in the class was not indispensable(I am a teaching assistant in that class), I would like to visit the health center. The sincere Swissman replied promptly, asking me to take care of my health, and that he would pray for my quick recovery.

I never felt more dishonest in my whole life. But what was done was done, that too in middle of another lecture, where I was taking notes and asking doubts aside of my sidey activities.

We have still not reached the Health Center, and I can see many of you shaking your head...
"Classic Sruthi Tales"

Fast forward to Health Center now...

The nurse at the Health Center took me into an examination room, and returned with my file.

N:"Do you have TB?"
Me: ( showing last week's TB test spot on my hand) " No TB !"
N:" Tell me about your Alcohol and Drugs Usage"
Me: :" I don't take either, and I have something in my eye that irks and hurts. Can you help me with it?"
N: ( undisturbed) " How active are you sexually? "
Me: (still more perturbed) " I am not sexually active ! "
N: " Honey, If you ever change your mind, do come back here for tips on safe sex"
Me: ( What are you trying to do here?? ) " Sure, I will."
N: " Do you wear a helmet to ride a bike?"
Me: "I have no vehicle, I walk to school, and take a bus to farther places."
N: " Excellent. Do you wear a seatbelt when you drive your car ?"
Me: ( Lets try a proactive answer now) " I dont have a car, but when I buy one, I will surely wear a seatbelt when I drive it. "( one big smile)
N: "Excellent, wearing a seatbelt is a very good habit."
Interogation ended, but the lens was still lodged inside.

Me: " Aren't you going to anything about my contact lens?"
N: " Lets check your BP and vision first."

BP is checked by a automatic machine, and cross-checked by a manual instrument, and I am praised for my excellent BP.

We proceed for the vision test. I read right with my right eye, but not left with my left eye. She says: " This means your lens is not placed right on your eye." ( Aunty, I told you this as I came in, You spent half an hour more rediscovering it??? ) I meekly nodded and followed her back into the examination room.

Nurse: " Honey, I realise these are tough times for you, please be brave. I guess you would be in much pain, let me see if there are any doctors who can help you out. Please sign this form where I filled all the info you gave me."

Interesting part ends, but story must end happily, so here goes.

A doc came in, they switched off all lights in the room, shined a light into my eye, opened it a little wider, and the lens came out. I removed it, thanked them profusely and ran away, vowing never to "fall ill" again!

Yo USA!

I arrived in the US of A about a month ago, and I am loving it so far!

First 2 weeks were indeed tough, though I am now getting adjusted into the new lifestyle. This place isn't too different from India, except that they drive on the wrong side of the road. One month in here, and I still look on both sides of the road(sometimes even up into the sky, just for symmetry) before I cross,coz i cant remember which side to look. :)

Another big difference in my life is that I have to do a lot of shopping. Right from veggies to trash cans, everything has to be preplanned and bought. There are 2 big supermarkets which are 10 mins away by bus. One has food stuff and another has everything else. Bus has definite times, and is free for university students. We take a bus, and as soon as we reach, we decide which bus to return by and time our shopping accordingly. As soon as trolley is full, we take stock of how much we will be able to carry, which limits how much we can buy in one go. I have made endless trips to both the shops to buy just the essential stuff. I so loathe the fact that I will have to keep shopping every week, to keep the pantry stocked up, a thing I never worried about at home.

Univ is great, profs, staff and students are really friendly. The way treat students is amazing. If the professor interviews you, he also tells you all about what he can offer you, and also gives you the right to take the final decision of whether or not to join his research group. I like way these professors work with open doors to their offices.

Lots of chinese here, 8 in my class of 13. I am still struggling with chinese names and chinese english, both of which demand concentrated listening effort.

My roomie is really nice, and we gel well together. We are both crazy, and laugh a lot...

Troy is a really small place, uphill Troy has nothing except the university. The lone eatery is a Pizzeria, which has 3 veggie choices. But the pizzas are tasty. :)

A great place to live for 4 years.And attitude is everything, I realise... :)

Are We Living a Mediocre Life?

I met some of my old friends sometime ago. My class topper was also there at the meet. I was always in awe of her intelligence and ambitions, and knew that she would go places. She finished her graduation from a good engineering school, and joined a KPO. She admitted not liking her Job Profile, and also said she used to like her subjects and would have liked to study further. Somehow, her lack of ambition disappointed me.

When I asked her why, she said she was comfortable here, and doesn't want to take the risk of leaving the job, getting admission into an educational institute, and facing job interviews all over again. Fair enough, you would say.... But, given her ability, none of the above is a daunting task, but she seems unsure of herself…

 

There are thousands of people like her, who choose the easier options, and escape the struggle of getting what they really want out of life. Why do brilliant people choose a mediocre life? When you have it in you to do better, I can’t see why you would choose not to put in your best effort and achieve what you deserve? Why is it a mediocre world?

 

A friend of mine answers: “Because the thing it takes to strike something out of the ordinary demands a lot from you. For starters, it means not following others in a queue, but starting one yourself. It also means you have to overcome the social issues, family pressure and most of all your inner fears.”

You have to step out of your comfort zone, and believe on yourself. You have to demand of the universe “I want it, and I WILL have it, whatever it takes.” The fierce desire to for something can work wonders, and that desire pushes you, goads you on and keeps you motivated in your struggle.

 

Satisfaction and contentment are good things, but if you choose to be satisfied with something lesser than what is your potential to own and enjoy, you slip into mediocrity. It’s all about going that extra mile…. 

At the end of the day, I want to be proud of my choices, and I want to feel contented about a life well lived.

 

This philosophical post is slightly out of the line in my humorous blog, and I promise to return to mainstream buffoonery soon. :-)