Am I homesick yet?

I have been here for 3 months. I like it here, the place, the school, the new life, new ppl, everything...

I have largely been happy, not really missed home or family. I guess I have still not accepted it in my mind that I have come away for ever, my heart still escapes the fact, and pretends as if this is just a holiday away from home, and I can return any time I choose.

What happened today?

Home-made sweets arrived from the aunt in Texas, and a card from my parents, for my birthday. Just the opposite of usual. Mother used to make sweets for me, buy me a new dress, and even get me flowers... but never a card... card was something ppl far away sent....

Now my mom's sent me a card, and written it exactly the way I used to write cards for her, complete with the "open with a smile" and smiley on the flap. I saw it, and my mom's feeble attempt at drawing a smiley, and tears filled in my eyes. I could not do as instructed...

I held the card in my hands, and silent tears kept falling. have never felt so alone in life, as I did when I held that card in my hand...

I just can't picture my mom looking for a card in Archies. I can't, since I have always bought all cards for everyone at home.

I used to buy cards, give them to everyone on their birthdays, have them admire it for sometime, and then leave it on a table, which I quietly picked up and preserved.These small mementos on birthdays were my introduction to our austere South Indian household, where payasam was the only celebration for birthday. Now, my family is BUYING cards, and sending them to me. And they are doing it, because they feel I value cards a lot... but today I wish, I was with them, instead of recieving cards in the mailer....nothing can occupy the void created by absence of dear ones... not phone calls, not emails, not cards...

Life is great, but not so easy sometimes...